Sunday, 22 May 2016
The (un)ordinary moments.
I knew it was going to be a special one from the offset. I had been working for months with EHRC on an employment maternity rights project, one that I had put my literal heart and soul into by writing and sharing my own story. What I didn't realise was that I would end up on live TV discussing my experience and how important the campaign was. Being on TV is a terrifying thing, I always beat myself up that my public speaking is awful (a public speaking trainer told me otherwise, but I'm not convinced). I was a complete ball of nerves knowing that thousands of people would be seeing and hearing me, it didn't help that I was doing the interview via Skype and I couldn't see anyone!
But I did it. I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something that this time last year I would have screamed no at until I was blue in the face. In the past year my confidence has skyrocketted. I can't pinpoint why, but knowing that I have my amazing friends, family and the Young Women's Trust ladies behind me helps immensely.
Since my 15 minutes of fame I've been tirelessly studying, working, blogging, cleaning and trying to find a routine that truly works. I'm coming up to the most intense part of my course and the pressure is piling on. I feel those little things around me slip as I'm putting more and more into a course that whilst I'm loving, is definitely not suited to someone with so many plates spinning.
I've had flashes of guilt where I know I should be spending more time with Max and Scott, but I know that it won't last forever and soon enough we can find a better balance when I start picking up clients. With Max seeming to grow overnight I'm growing more and more aware that I'm missing some precious moments. No-one can ever find an ideal work/life balance but hopefully we can start soon enough.
I took a few evenings off and unplugged. I turned off my phone and curled up in bed and read a book. I can't remember the last time I really sat in bed reading something that wasn't for work. It's not a bad thing but it's good to read something that I've chosen. Whilst I was reading I could hear Max quietly sat in his new rocking chair reading the Wizard Of Oz to his teddies and I couldn't help but smile!
This week was about growth and stepping out of the comfort zones that we build ourselves to protect us from harm. It's about learning and building a bigger picture. It's about finding that damn frog and eating it before it jumps up on you. It's about discovery and realising you can do anything if you put your mind to it.