Saturday, 8 February 2014

A hard time


I've been having a hard time recently. Not in the sense that I think I can't parent, or I think I'm going to lose my job. 

More in the sense that I can't see the future. I have no idea what is going to happen and it scares the living crap out of me. 

When me and Scott graduated we know it would be a struggle. We knew that we couldn't afford to live in Bournemouth on our wages and decided to move in with my mum (I love her so much for letting us!). It's allowed us to start paying off some of that crippling debt that we owed the bank after living beyond our means while at uni. 

We've been here 6 months, applied for hundreds of jobs and had no luck. I know it's hard but without being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel I don't know what to think or do. With degrees in the creative arts, a tough cookie to break anyway, let alone with a child. It meant that we took jobs not in our field or jobs in our field and moved to somewhere like Manchester or Glasgow. We're finding people aren't interviewing us because we live too far away. A vicious circle of experience, location, money that sucks. 

I know thousands of others are in the same boat but we've got a deadline over our heads of November. That's when we need to start applying for schools for Max. I don't want him to go to the school here as I hated it. I want us to be settled, in a place we can call our own and ready for a future. Not messing him around by forcing him to make new friends all the time in new places. 

I want max to be proud of us. I want him to be able to say my mum and dad are awesome. But I honestly don't feel it. I feel like I'm failing. Like I did the wrong course at uni, like I was selfish to finish something I didn't actually want to finish out of spite. But it's happened, what's done is done. We just need to look forwards. 

One day we will get there, our little piece of England will be ours. Hopefully sooner rather than later. But until then we continue to work to the bone and fight for what we want. 

2 comments:

  1. Hun, you're not failing! You are doing the best you can and I promise you will catch your break soon xxxxx

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  2. Try not to worry about Max's schooling - he'll be fine wherever he goes, because you and Scott have his best interests at heart. I found this out in practice too because although I'd hated school myself, I was really surprised to find my son didn't mind it and was much more popular than I ever was! I know it's not ideal to move kids around, but as someone who's come out the other side of moving A LOT, I can tell you that if you have to move a child, it's really not the end of the world for them (as other parents have also testified to me, too). Kids are more adaptable than we think, plus it can have all sorts of added bonuses, such as attributing to their ability to deal with unplanned-for situations, like when we had to move because I had a university place or my husband had a job somewhere else. Whilst I would never have "wanted" my son to go to 3 primary schools & 2 secondary schools, he is still a well adjusted, easy going and high achieving young lad with hobbies and interests - and friends all over the place, whom he'll go off and stay with, or go to festivals with! My daughter has had to go to 2 primary schools as well and again, being so young she'd forgotten about her old school within a couple of weeks. What matters most is home-life in my opinion, especially when they're v young, but even as teens. You can't beat security at home: it's that that makes them, IMHO. Best of luck! xxx

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