Friday, 22 November 2013

Fri dad

Dad Disasters #2


Okay, Friday is here and FriDad is finally up this Friday. Now to share the second episode of the ‘Dad Disasters and as last time, some of the story is true…but, I’m not telling you what part.

Today’s going to go well, I can feel it. It’s just me and Max. Things go much smoother when it’s just me and Max. There’s just one thing I have wrong with this…it’s just me and Max! We need company, parent company.

I’ve got it! I’m going to ring that number that I found at the Library the other day. I’m not even a member of the library, we didn’t even go there to use the library, I went there to get numbers for family events while Max climbed on the toy train and offended every mother (just one of them) there shouting at the top of his voice! Etiquette is always lost when beyond the house.

Okay, so the playgroup has ceased since 2011, what a treat that such a number was still accessible in the library. Then again, the library always keeps relic-like books; where else will you find historical dating to the age of the buildings creation? It was probably for the best the playgroup ended, the lady was smoking and can hear what I think are children crying over scenes from JAWS…not the kind of leader I’d invest in.

Okay Plan B: go to the library, register and find ANYTHING to read that isn’t ‘Calm down Boris’. I cannot bare another night pretending to be a puppet that talks about how much I stink. Go find new playgroups and hopefully something to do whilst there.

Success! Registered and now we are waiting upstairs in the cosy children’s corner 15 minutes from story time and for Max’s library card. Cars are pulling up and mothers are reaching into the back for children, this is going to be fun. The only thing unnerving me is my son’s squinty eyed expression on his face as he leans against the small desk gazing into forever. That smell is familiar as is the look, the squat, the sound and the tone of my sons voice as he looks to me and says ‘I didn’t do a poo daddy’.

QUICK! Dash back home, the library is only a stone’s throw away; we can get back in time for the stories. Max is egging me on as onlookers watch and laugh as they see me sweat buckets and huff and puff. Yes I’m out of shape, but manners cost nothing, like that coat you think is appropriate.

Right I’m back in the flat to quickly shower Max down in time to return. I hear my brother in pace around the room moaning. Man flu has struck but he doesn’t seem to be using his intelligence to combat the illness. I peered over to spot a tub of cod liver oil tablets on the side, surely those things do not tackle colds and are one a day. This shouldn’t surprise me as the last time we spoke he couldn’t understand how some animals have two legs, forgetting he had only a pair for himself.

Okay, Max is out and clean and calling to Boris about how I’m stinky and he’s not. Supportive Max, I don’t recall me complaining how you colour over the lines in EVERY PICTURE YOU DRAW! Out the house now, we can make it.

BOLLOCKS! It’s finished and all the parents have gone home. I enquire to find out about the playgroups that they have advertised, sodding typical. Everything has finished, one place even turned into an alcoholics anonymous, just the place I’d take my son on a day out. It get worse, they don’t recognise me after the time I’ve been and returned, yes I’m wearing a new jumper but my face didn’t change, Max’s certainly didn’t either. Never mind, looks like I’m doomed to make parent friends.

Well…I don’t normally bring it to myself to lose my cool, but I’m now stuck outside of my flat forgetting my keys and the brother in law leaving a text on my phone ‘just gone out for more tablets, see you soon x’. Now I have to find a way to cheer my son up after scaring him from screaming my head off as the brother in law heads out whilst ill to grab tablets he doesn’t even need. I hope he turns into a Cod.

That’s another episode down. Last time I got 100 views, if the numbers rise I shall keep the ‘Dad Disaster’ posts rolling. Next week I shall post about more serious issues and less of my sons toilet incidents. As always, have a great weekend.

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